There is a secret place in my rapidly beating heart,
Which is exclusively mine, my own private haven,
My personal retreat.
I am rejuvenated every time I visit here,
Life happens outside, but true life is in here.
I go through the motions of living life,
With a semblance of normalcy,
But I crave solitude to be able to visit here,
To really live.
I see you; feel you
breathe you, in here.
I remember your gentle touch,
The smell of your skin,
The sensuous look in your eyes,
Miss you so very much.
When things aren't going my way,
And life is being a pain, and when ,
I have no say in its wayward ways,
I visit my quiet place, close my eyes.
I see your smile embrace your soul,
Am revived , again I am whole,
For a while.
Wish I could live here forever.
Friday, January 21, 2011
You Unhinge Me
My feelings for you are unalterable,
Unaccompanied by fear of abandonment.
I am unafraid to show you I care,
And I am unarmed by your charm,
Unashamed, I blow kisses at you,
Unasked I miss you.
My love is unassailable.
You live in my unassuming heart,
Unbeknown to the world.
Unbidden your thoughts come to my mind,
Unblemished your memories.
Unborn desires drive me insane,
Unbound joy they give,
So uncanny is our bond.
Unconventional is our relationship,
Uncompromising in its intensity.
My undying devotion,
My unfailing admiration.
I am vindicated in my quest for love,
I am in a stupor.
You undo my heartstrings,
You UNHINGE me.
Unaccompanied by fear of abandonment.
I am unafraid to show you I care,
And I am unarmed by your charm,
Unashamed, I blow kisses at you,
Unasked I miss you.
My love is unassailable.
You live in my unassuming heart,
Unbeknown to the world.
Unbidden your thoughts come to my mind,
Unblemished your memories.
Unborn desires drive me insane,
Unbound joy they give,
So uncanny is our bond.
Unconventional is our relationship,
Uncompromising in its intensity.
My undying devotion,
My unfailing admiration.
I am vindicated in my quest for love,
I am in a stupor.
You undo my heartstrings,
You UNHINGE me.
Undue Credit
You give me undue credit by believing,
in my ability to remain sane in this
Insane world, without you.
Don't hold me in such high esteem,
don't think that I won't scream,
when the band-aid is,
ripped off my soul's wound.
.
I might have smiled,
while waving goodbye,
But had you looked closely,
You would have seen,
the heartbreak in my eyes.
Your silence cuts through my soul,
speak to me, make me whole.
Whenever I speak with you,
I open a vein,
You neither see the silent cries,
Nor hear the crimson tears.
Close your eyes and see me,
Breathe me in with your touch.
You'll miss me as such.
I, your proud strength,
You, my gentle touch.
Don't unclench my fists, when I die,
I am holding on to your promise,
of returning soon.
Let me leave with something,
that is totally mine,
“Hope”.
in my ability to remain sane in this
Insane world, without you.
Don't hold me in such high esteem,
don't think that I won't scream,
when the band-aid is,
ripped off my soul's wound.
.
I might have smiled,
while waving goodbye,
But had you looked closely,
You would have seen,
the heartbreak in my eyes.
Your silence cuts through my soul,
speak to me, make me whole.
Whenever I speak with you,
I open a vein,
You neither see the silent cries,
Nor hear the crimson tears.
Close your eyes and see me,
Breathe me in with your touch.
You'll miss me as such.
I, your proud strength,
You, my gentle touch.
Don't unclench my fists, when I die,
I am holding on to your promise,
of returning soon.
Let me leave with something,
that is totally mine,
“Hope”.
Closure
The door slammed shut deafeningly.
It wasn’t me; it was the heartless wind,
that pushed it close on life.
Helpless love was a mute spectator,
watching it crash onto the frame,
of expectations.
Loosening the hinges of hope.
Splinters of dreams flew about with,
the tattered remains of anguished cries.
I heave a sigh of relief,
looking at the cold closed door.
I know I should not be relieved,
at the finality of the deed.
But at least I am free,
To move on in life,
will not be glancing at the open door,
willing him to come inside.
Won’t have to keep wondering,
Whether he will come tonight,
or tomorrow or the next night.
The finality of this agonizing act,
has made me numb, my soul is hurting,
clutching at the lapels of hope.
I am jolted awake from a blissful sleep.
my eyes open to the complexity of life,
to the duality of the human psyche.
Though I am free, I am a prisoner still,
of lost hope, forgotten cherished memories,
of languor filled days,
and passion filled nights.
Of loves whisperings and furtive embraces,
Of honey scented breaths of lovers,
And their mingled sighs.
Sometimes I dream of my love,
Of his advent into my tumultuous life,
Of riding into the sunset with him,
Of being his day and night.
But the slamming of the door,
Jolts me back to reality.
I hear the slam,
I see the damage to the heart of the wall.
I don’t scream,
I don’t call,
I throw one last look at the door,
Over my shoulder and ,
I walk out tall….
Lucks aka Sulekha
It wasn’t me; it was the heartless wind,
that pushed it close on life.
Helpless love was a mute spectator,
watching it crash onto the frame,
of expectations.
Loosening the hinges of hope.
Splinters of dreams flew about with,
the tattered remains of anguished cries.
I heave a sigh of relief,
looking at the cold closed door.
I know I should not be relieved,
at the finality of the deed.
But at least I am free,
To move on in life,
will not be glancing at the open door,
willing him to come inside.
Won’t have to keep wondering,
Whether he will come tonight,
or tomorrow or the next night.
The finality of this agonizing act,
has made me numb, my soul is hurting,
clutching at the lapels of hope.
I am jolted awake from a blissful sleep.
my eyes open to the complexity of life,
to the duality of the human psyche.
Though I am free, I am a prisoner still,
of lost hope, forgotten cherished memories,
of languor filled days,
and passion filled nights.
Of loves whisperings and furtive embraces,
Of honey scented breaths of lovers,
And their mingled sighs.
Sometimes I dream of my love,
Of his advent into my tumultuous life,
Of riding into the sunset with him,
Of being his day and night.
But the slamming of the door,
Jolts me back to reality.
I hear the slam,
I see the damage to the heart of the wall.
I don’t scream,
I don’t call,
I throw one last look at the door,
Over my shoulder and ,
I walk out tall….
Lucks aka Sulekha
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Long live Cinema
“You complete me”, are the three golden words, every girl worth her salt longs to hear, uttered in her reverence. Jerry McGuire has immortalised love with this one line. I want a Jerry of my own, who doesn’t? But not everyone is as lucky as Dorothy or as blessed as Josephine March, of Little women. Not everybody gets her soulmate in her lifetime.
Love is the product of some very serious advertising and marketing by great filmmakers and writers. What is love? How does one know it is the real thing? Do bells ring and rainbows appear in the sky? I have grown up on a staple diet of Hindi movies. Every Sunday 3-6 show, without fail, for as long as I can remember. We are four siblings of the Ranyal clan and my parents had this tradition of sending us all off for the afternoon show every Sunday, come rain or shine.
I think our parents looked forward to these Sunday outings more than us, because it was the only time they got some privacy. So now when I look back at those afternoons I see a symbiotic relationship between us all.
The first movie I remember watching is Pakeezah.Chalo dildar chalo, for someone who was not brought up on this staple diet of Hindi movies, does not understand the extent of influence they exert over your life. The sensitivity and emotions, the expectations and longings are alien to them. When I had seen the train scene, in which Raj Kumar sees Meena Kumari’s feet and writes her a note saying,”Aaap ke paun bahut nazuk hain inhe zameen par mat rakhiyega maile ho jayenge”, had made me break out in goosebumps.I want a similar note. I need someone to have those kinds of feelings for my feet, for me, pour Moi.
Amar Prem’s “Pushpa I hate tears”, brings tears to my eyes, everytime I see a rerun of the movie. Aradhana, Rajesh Khanna’s entry, the background score is pure poetry. I can go on about my favourite scenes of all movies. Kabhie-Kabhie, Amitabh and Shashi Kapoor confrontation scene was mind-blowing. I had fallen in love with Shashi after this movie and Amitabh had gone down a few notches in my opinion.
In Mere Apne, Meena Kumari and Vinod Khanna’s relationship was memorable. Pearl Padamsee in Angoor was a hassled, worried single mom. Rajesh Khanna in Bawarchi, I had longed to live in the house with the dysfunctional family and a miracle worker bawarchi. Mili had made me cry a million tears. Kala Pathar, Amitabh-Rakhee, Yummy. Anand-Babu Moshaye.
My heart throbs ranged from Dharmendra, Rajesh Khanna, Vinod Khanna, Sanjay Khan.Amitabh, Rishi, Ranbir Kapoor.Rahul Khanna and my ultimate hero is Rahul Bose. I had wanted to be in Wayanad, on a treetop cabin with Rahul Bose in MR and MRS IYER.The scene when he goes to get coffee and on his return she puts her head on his shoulder, Freeze the moment. I had wanted Konkona Sen to run off with Rahul Bose in the movie. I had wanted to run off with him,period. In Hum Saath Saath Hain, Salman is my absolute favourite, Sonali and he, priceless.
If there is one movie, which I didn’t find realistic, it’s Baghban.I mean the director tried all possible tricks to make people sympathise with the old couple. But his storytelling skills lacked conviction. One cannot try too much to make a good film; one just does it without trying too hard. There are some directors who have got it, like Karan Johar.I cry every time I see” Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham”. Jaya Bhaduri and Shahrukh Khan are outstanding and their emotional bond is so real and poignant. I have loved all of Karan’s films. The latest movie “Dostana”, has found acceptance in our conservative Indian audience. Kudos to him for attempting to make a movie based on this bold and forbidden topic.
Raj in Jane tu ya Jane Na and Aditi, every girl dreams of a friend cum squeeze like him, who is there in sickness and health. In Bachana Ae Haseeno, Kunal Kapoor stole the show with his soulful eyes and acting. It was the highlight of the movie for me.
Does every girl get her Rahul, Raj, or Jerry McGuire? I don’t know and don’t care, what I do know is, for some, these reel life characters are more real than the ones, they come across in real life. Long live the Cinema. AMEN
Sulekha aka Lucky
“You complete me”, are the three golden words, every girl worth her salt longs to hear, uttered in her reverence. Jerry McGuire has immortalised love with this one line. I want a Jerry of my own, who doesn’t? But not everyone is as lucky as Dorothy or as blessed as Josephine March, of Little women. Not everybody gets her soulmate in her lifetime.
Love is the product of some very serious advertising and marketing by great filmmakers and writers. What is love? How does one know it is the real thing? Do bells ring and rainbows appear in the sky? I have grown up on a staple diet of Hindi movies. Every Sunday 3-6 show, without fail, for as long as I can remember. We are four siblings of the Ranyal clan and my parents had this tradition of sending us all off for the afternoon show every Sunday, come rain or shine.
I think our parents looked forward to these Sunday outings more than us, because it was the only time they got some privacy. So now when I look back at those afternoons I see a symbiotic relationship between us all.
The first movie I remember watching is Pakeezah.Chalo dildar chalo, for someone who was not brought up on this staple diet of Hindi movies, does not understand the extent of influence they exert over your life. The sensitivity and emotions, the expectations and longings are alien to them. When I had seen the train scene, in which Raj Kumar sees Meena Kumari’s feet and writes her a note saying,”Aaap ke paun bahut nazuk hain inhe zameen par mat rakhiyega maile ho jayenge”, had made me break out in goosebumps.I want a similar note. I need someone to have those kinds of feelings for my feet, for me, pour Moi.
Amar Prem’s “Pushpa I hate tears”, brings tears to my eyes, everytime I see a rerun of the movie. Aradhana, Rajesh Khanna’s entry, the background score is pure poetry. I can go on about my favourite scenes of all movies. Kabhie-Kabhie, Amitabh and Shashi Kapoor confrontation scene was mind-blowing. I had fallen in love with Shashi after this movie and Amitabh had gone down a few notches in my opinion.
In Mere Apne, Meena Kumari and Vinod Khanna’s relationship was memorable. Pearl Padamsee in Angoor was a hassled, worried single mom. Rajesh Khanna in Bawarchi, I had longed to live in the house with the dysfunctional family and a miracle worker bawarchi. Mili had made me cry a million tears. Kala Pathar, Amitabh-Rakhee, Yummy. Anand-Babu Moshaye.
My heart throbs ranged from Dharmendra, Rajesh Khanna, Vinod Khanna, Sanjay Khan.Amitabh, Rishi, Ranbir Kapoor.Rahul Khanna and my ultimate hero is Rahul Bose. I had wanted to be in Wayanad, on a treetop cabin with Rahul Bose in MR and MRS IYER.The scene when he goes to get coffee and on his return she puts her head on his shoulder, Freeze the moment. I had wanted Konkona Sen to run off with Rahul Bose in the movie. I had wanted to run off with him,period. In Hum Saath Saath Hain, Salman is my absolute favourite, Sonali and he, priceless.
If there is one movie, which I didn’t find realistic, it’s Baghban.I mean the director tried all possible tricks to make people sympathise with the old couple. But his storytelling skills lacked conviction. One cannot try too much to make a good film; one just does it without trying too hard. There are some directors who have got it, like Karan Johar.I cry every time I see” Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Gham”. Jaya Bhaduri and Shahrukh Khan are outstanding and their emotional bond is so real and poignant. I have loved all of Karan’s films. The latest movie “Dostana”, has found acceptance in our conservative Indian audience. Kudos to him for attempting to make a movie based on this bold and forbidden topic.
Raj in Jane tu ya Jane Na and Aditi, every girl dreams of a friend cum squeeze like him, who is there in sickness and health. In Bachana Ae Haseeno, Kunal Kapoor stole the show with his soulful eyes and acting. It was the highlight of the movie for me.
Does every girl get her Rahul, Raj, or Jerry McGuire? I don’t know and don’t care, what I do know is, for some, these reel life characters are more real than the ones, they come across in real life. Long live the Cinema. AMEN
Sulekha aka Lucky
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friends make my day……..
Friends make my day……..
And we find at the end of a perfect day, the soul of a friend we’ve made.
Carrie Jacobs Bond
Friends make life worth living; hey don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that it’s an ordeal otherwise, but friends make the good, better and the better, best. What do I mean with this jumbled up explanation? Okay, imagine yo...u are eating a perfectly baked, delicious cake and someone walks up to you and hands you a bottle of home made heavenly, gooey, creamy chocolate sauce. Friends are the chocolate sauce on your yummy cake called, life.
There have been times in my life when, a smile from a stranger has made me forget my worries, for a little while and a hug has mended my achy breaky heart. Everyone goes through ups and downs in life and friends are the steadying factors. Friends can touch your heart even from a great distance, they can make you smile through your tears, make you feel better just by being there for you. If you are lucky, they may be within hugging distance, we need friends to make us believe in ourselves and to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to rest our weary heads on, when life is being a pain.
I am thankful to god for enriching my life by surrounding me with such loving and caring friends, I don’t think I could have survived all that life threw my way had it not been for the love and support of my friends. Some friends meet you everyday and help you cope with things while there are some friends that you meet once or twice a year but they play an equally important role in your tumultuous life. They bridge the distance with their thoughtful gestures and loving words of encouragement and what they lack in proximity, they make up with their intensity. I have all kinds of friends, close friends, near and dear ones and some long distance ones too.
My dear friend Rimly is the one who invited me to Ladies Club and changed my life. I am indebted to her for life; she is my soul-sister and a number 8 like me. We had met in Kochi, Kerala more than a decade ago and I can still remember her unique style of introducing herself, She had said,” hi, I am Rimly, Imly with a R, and I never forgot her name and the impish smile on her sweet angelic face. We were part of a voluntary organization in Kochi, another Ladies Club, and shared a lot of laughs, tears and treats. I loved her Mekhala Chadars and borrowed one for an Onam celebration at one time. Celebrated Diwali at her place, attended Navy Ball and various other dances, got drunk on many occasions, laughed cried and celebrated life. We were in the editorial team of our in-house magazine and worked together, editing, proof reading and formatting the articles. She taught me a lot about computers and encouraged me to write as well. She is a genuine friend and a great soul-sister to have in your corner. She encourages, defends, loves with abandon, love you my outlier.
And now for my dear Virtual friends.....
I am thankful to god for giving me the opportunity to meet and bond with such a great group of talented young ladies. It's online for now but I am sure we will meet some time in future, we were all meant to come into each others lives. I believe in destiny..
Kriti my Mitr, is awesome, there is no other word to describe her. I have put her on a pedestal and admire and respect her versatile personality. I love our chats daily and look forward to reading her comments and posts. She goes to any lengths to help a friend and She is a rocking Diva....
Swati, is an imp, smart, funny and adorable, love her sense of humour and intelligence.I enjoy her tweets on twitter, she is funny, sweet and sensational...
Chokher Bali, A hidden gem, super-sensitive,sweet, ridiculously intelligent, brave poetess. Multi-faceted to the core, she hides her creative side under the veneer of humour n flip remarks. She is a deep-thinker and a great friend to connect with. My day becomes brighter when I begin it with chatting with her.
Alpana, is out of this world, a great friend to have and a formidable opponent. I have borne the brunt of her wrath when I was procrastinating going for my thyroid biopsy. She has a heart of gold and is as guileless as a child. She is passionate about her family and friends, she writes beautifully, love her posts on her blog. She has called me up to yell at me at times and to lend support at other times. Love her caring nature.
Preetu, is yet another friend, I have yet to meet. We are from the same college Jaihind, Bombay but we never met there, I met her online last month. She is my dear friend's best friend, and is very sweet. she compliments my craziness, she is a great singer and a fantastic person, loving and caring. Her smiles, chocolates,hugs, she sends ,make my day. She has an uncanny ability to sense emotions and respond accordingly. The links to songs she sent me are proof of this. Love you bidu...
Have met so many lovely, super women here, Eva, Yoshay, Priyashmita,Dichen,Reshmi, Lavina, Nina,Rima, Mishtu, Denka to name a few....Please forgive me if I have missed out anyone.Love you all, sisters of my heart. You all Rock......
Lucks aka Sulekha
And we find at the end of a perfect day, the soul of a friend we’ve made.
Carrie Jacobs Bond
Friends make life worth living; hey don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that it’s an ordeal otherwise, but friends make the good, better and the better, best. What do I mean with this jumbled up explanation? Okay, imagine yo...u are eating a perfectly baked, delicious cake and someone walks up to you and hands you a bottle of home made heavenly, gooey, creamy chocolate sauce. Friends are the chocolate sauce on your yummy cake called, life.
There have been times in my life when, a smile from a stranger has made me forget my worries, for a little while and a hug has mended my achy breaky heart. Everyone goes through ups and downs in life and friends are the steadying factors. Friends can touch your heart even from a great distance, they can make you smile through your tears, make you feel better just by being there for you. If you are lucky, they may be within hugging distance, we need friends to make us believe in ourselves and to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to rest our weary heads on, when life is being a pain.
I am thankful to god for enriching my life by surrounding me with such loving and caring friends, I don’t think I could have survived all that life threw my way had it not been for the love and support of my friends. Some friends meet you everyday and help you cope with things while there are some friends that you meet once or twice a year but they play an equally important role in your tumultuous life. They bridge the distance with their thoughtful gestures and loving words of encouragement and what they lack in proximity, they make up with their intensity. I have all kinds of friends, close friends, near and dear ones and some long distance ones too.
My dear friend Rimly is the one who invited me to Ladies Club and changed my life. I am indebted to her for life; she is my soul-sister and a number 8 like me. We had met in Kochi, Kerala more than a decade ago and I can still remember her unique style of introducing herself, She had said,” hi, I am Rimly, Imly with a R, and I never forgot her name and the impish smile on her sweet angelic face. We were part of a voluntary organization in Kochi, another Ladies Club, and shared a lot of laughs, tears and treats. I loved her Mekhala Chadars and borrowed one for an Onam celebration at one time. Celebrated Diwali at her place, attended Navy Ball and various other dances, got drunk on many occasions, laughed cried and celebrated life. We were in the editorial team of our in-house magazine and worked together, editing, proof reading and formatting the articles. She taught me a lot about computers and encouraged me to write as well. She is a genuine friend and a great soul-sister to have in your corner. She encourages, defends, loves with abandon, love you my outlier.
And now for my dear Virtual friends.....
I am thankful to god for giving me the opportunity to meet and bond with such a great group of talented young ladies. It's online for now but I am sure we will meet some time in future, we were all meant to come into each others lives. I believe in destiny..
Kriti my Mitr, is awesome, there is no other word to describe her. I have put her on a pedestal and admire and respect her versatile personality. I love our chats daily and look forward to reading her comments and posts. She goes to any lengths to help a friend and She is a rocking Diva....
Swati, is an imp, smart, funny and adorable, love her sense of humour and intelligence.I enjoy her tweets on twitter, she is funny, sweet and sensational...
Chokher Bali, A hidden gem, super-sensitive,sweet, ridiculously intelligent, brave poetess. Multi-faceted to the core, she hides her creative side under the veneer of humour n flip remarks. She is a deep-thinker and a great friend to connect with. My day becomes brighter when I begin it with chatting with her.
Alpana, is out of this world, a great friend to have and a formidable opponent. I have borne the brunt of her wrath when I was procrastinating going for my thyroid biopsy. She has a heart of gold and is as guileless as a child. She is passionate about her family and friends, she writes beautifully, love her posts on her blog. She has called me up to yell at me at times and to lend support at other times. Love her caring nature.
Preetu, is yet another friend, I have yet to meet. We are from the same college Jaihind, Bombay but we never met there, I met her online last month. She is my dear friend's best friend, and is very sweet. she compliments my craziness, she is a great singer and a fantastic person, loving and caring. Her smiles, chocolates,hugs, she sends ,make my day. She has an uncanny ability to sense emotions and respond accordingly. The links to songs she sent me are proof of this. Love you bidu...
Have met so many lovely, super women here, Eva, Yoshay, Priyashmita,Dichen,Reshmi, Lavina, Nina,Rima, Mishtu, Denka to name a few....Please forgive me if I have missed out anyone.Love you all, sisters of my heart. You all Rock......
Lucks aka Sulekha
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Legacy
Legacy
Soon, a simple blood test to detect cancer
“BOSTON: A blood test so sensitive it can spot a single cancer cell lurking among a billion healthy ones is moving a step closer to being available at your doctor's office, with potentially revolutionary medical implications.
This is like a liquid biopsy" that avoids painful tissue sampling and may give a better way to monitor patients than periodic imaging scans, said Daniel Haber chief of Massachusetts General Hospital's cancer center and one of the test's inventors. “
The Times of India carried this piece of news on the first page today and I was elated on reading it! Though, my elation turned to disappointment by the time I finished reading this article. The reason for my dismay is that I have to undergo a needle biopsy of my thyroid gland. Although, the procedure itself is not very painful, the days preceding it stop just short of a complete nightmare. My sister-in-law and her husband, who are both doctors, making light of the situation, explained to me that it really is more painful giving a blood sample than getting the FNAC done. With due respect to their professional opinion, I beg to differ. It is the location of the thyroid gland that causes concern in the patient’s mind: You have to lie down with a pillow under your neck, exposing your neck, and a needle is inserted into the thyroid gland wherefrom the tissue sample is taken for the purpose of testing.
I have been suffering from hypothyroidism and thyroditis for the past 7 years and have undergone this procedure at least 7 times already, but each time, it’s equally terrifying. I think what the patient really fears is not the needle by itself, but also the possibility of the sample testing positive for malignancy. The C word is the most dreaded word in our minds nowadays, considering we hear about so many people succumbing to this disease. I have lost two great colleagues and friends to Cancer recently and they both were my age. May their souls rest in peace and their families find the strength to carry on…
It seems that I will have to undergo yet another old fashioned needle biopsy because the newspaper stated that, “Boston scientists who invented the test and health care giant ‘Johnson & Johnson’ are joining forces to bring it to market. Four big Cancer centres also will start studies using the experimental test this year.” But I have to get it done this month, I am sure it is merely a procedural formality, and like we all know, early detection can save lives.
I was seriously considering drawing up my will but then I realized that I don’t have any material goods to give away, my legacy is my thoughts, feelings and emotions , which are scattered all over the cyber world. When I am gone, I will live in these posts and articles. Read me when you think of me and say a little prayer for me…….God bless…..
P.s. I am not going anywhere for a long long time……. :)
Lucky aka Sulekha
Soon, a simple blood test to detect cancer
“BOSTON: A blood test so sensitive it can spot a single cancer cell lurking among a billion healthy ones is moving a step closer to being available at your doctor's office, with potentially revolutionary medical implications.
This is like a liquid biopsy" that avoids painful tissue sampling and may give a better way to monitor patients than periodic imaging scans, said Daniel Haber chief of Massachusetts General Hospital's cancer center and one of the test's inventors. “
The Times of India carried this piece of news on the first page today and I was elated on reading it! Though, my elation turned to disappointment by the time I finished reading this article. The reason for my dismay is that I have to undergo a needle biopsy of my thyroid gland. Although, the procedure itself is not very painful, the days preceding it stop just short of a complete nightmare. My sister-in-law and her husband, who are both doctors, making light of the situation, explained to me that it really is more painful giving a blood sample than getting the FNAC done. With due respect to their professional opinion, I beg to differ. It is the location of the thyroid gland that causes concern in the patient’s mind: You have to lie down with a pillow under your neck, exposing your neck, and a needle is inserted into the thyroid gland wherefrom the tissue sample is taken for the purpose of testing.
I have been suffering from hypothyroidism and thyroditis for the past 7 years and have undergone this procedure at least 7 times already, but each time, it’s equally terrifying. I think what the patient really fears is not the needle by itself, but also the possibility of the sample testing positive for malignancy. The C word is the most dreaded word in our minds nowadays, considering we hear about so many people succumbing to this disease. I have lost two great colleagues and friends to Cancer recently and they both were my age. May their souls rest in peace and their families find the strength to carry on…
It seems that I will have to undergo yet another old fashioned needle biopsy because the newspaper stated that, “Boston scientists who invented the test and health care giant ‘Johnson & Johnson’ are joining forces to bring it to market. Four big Cancer centres also will start studies using the experimental test this year.” But I have to get it done this month, I am sure it is merely a procedural formality, and like we all know, early detection can save lives.
I was seriously considering drawing up my will but then I realized that I don’t have any material goods to give away, my legacy is my thoughts, feelings and emotions , which are scattered all over the cyber world. When I am gone, I will live in these posts and articles. Read me when you think of me and say a little prayer for me…….God bless…..
P.s. I am not going anywhere for a long long time……. :)
Lucky aka Sulekha
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